Lethal Pasty is my story so far — from 16 years living abroad, to coming home, and now taking on cancer with a mix of honesty, dark humour, and custard.

This blog is part diary, part survival guide, and part reminder that life rarely goes to plan — but it’s still worth laughing about.

I Made It. Now What? The bit nobody really warns you about

It’s strange to wake up and realise… there’s no hospital trip today: no mask, no chemo chair, no countdown on the fridge. For the first time in months, the day is mine again. Looking back, it’s hard to believe how far this road has stretched six rounds of chemo, thirty radiotherapies, countless blood tests, and more tea than the NHS should legally serve. Somewhere between the cannulas and the nausea, the person I was at the start got stripped away and rebuilt, piece by piece.

🙂 Boring you yet with my cancer saga? Guess what? I still don’t care. Bad hair days Eight chapters in, and if you’re still here, you either really love me, really hate Netflix, or just enjoy watching a middle-aged man document his slow transformation into a porridge-eating cyborg. Either way — welcome back to the chronicles of Platty vs. Cancer. When I first started this blog, I never imagined it would turn into a medical miniseries. I thought I’d write a few updates, drop i

🎸 Whoa, We’re Halfway There… Yes, this one’s late. Sorry about that — last week flattened me, and writing wasn’t happening. But here we are, and the good news is I’m officially past the halfway mark. Chemo 4/6 done. Radiotherapy 18/30 ticked off. More than halfway through this bizarre medical marathon. Or, as Bon Jovi put it: “Whoa, we’re halfway there… whoa-oh, livin’ on a prayer.” No screaming fans. No guitar solos. No leather trousers (thankfully). Just hospital chairs, p

🎤 Boring You Yet? “Boring you yet with my cancer story? Well… I don’t care 🙂. When I first set this blog up, it was really just for family and friends while I was working abroad. A way of keeping people in the loop without spamming them with WhatsApp about whether I’d survived another dodgy kebab or missed yet another flight connection. Then it went to finding the best coffee in Riyadh or places to visit. Fast-forward to now, and it’s morphed into something else entirely: a

💉 First Round at the Chemo Chair So here we are. Monday morning, 9:30 am sharp, parked in the chemo chair for my first proper session. They say it lasts six hours, but what they don’t tell you is it feels like an endurance event crossed with a really slow pub crawl — only instead of pints you get drip bags with names like Cisplatin Vintage 2025. The nurses are incredible. They glide about like seasoned baristas, swapping lines, checking drips, and making sure you don’t run d

I’m writing this not for sympathy but for awareness. A few months ago, I felt perfectly fit and healthy. Now, I’ve got scars, a diary full of hospital appointments, and a date with chemo and radiotherapy starting 4th September. If you take nothing else from this: don’t Google your symptoms. Please don’t sit on them. Go and see a doctor. I went from “absolutely fine” to “surprise, you’ve got surgery and six weeks of radiation” in record time. If even one person checks themselv

Well, I’ve made it. Not to the Premier League, not to the finals of Britain’s Got Talent, but into something far more exclusive but not wanted to a point — The 94% Club. Membership is strictly invite-only, and the joining process is… let’s just say thorough. 🎯 Entry Requirements To get in, you must: Have your neck filleted like a prize salmon. Lose a grand total of 50 lymph nodes (I didn’t even know I owned that many — turns out I was basically hoarding them like a body’s ve

🎯It’s been a few days since the op, and I’ve finally graduated from “confused patient in a gown” to “man in my PJs watching The Chase with a bowl of trifle.” Progress. But let’s rewind. Because last Monday was quite something. 🏥 Mission: Cancer Extraction I arrived at the hospital feeling like a man on a mission. A terrified, slightly dehydrated, undercaffeinated mission. The plan? Laser surgery to remove anything untoward left where my right tonsil (the sneaky one that was

Or: How I accidentally joined the head and neck cancer club without asking for a membership card A few months ago, I found myself poking at the side of my neck like a bloke checking for his wallet — over and over again. Why? Because there was a lump. Not a throbbing, screaming, “Look at me!” kind of lump. Just a subtle, squat little thing that had moved in rent-free. I’ve had chronic sinus issues and post-nasal drip for years, so I figured it was just another perk of my glamo

After 16 years living and working in the Middle East, I’ve recently returned to the UK to begin a new chapter of my life. It’s been a transformative journey—professionally and personally—and now I’m standing at the crossroads of an exciting, albeit uncertain, future. And let’s be honest, moving back to a land of drizzle and cups of tea takes some getting used to after years of sunshine and shawarma. From Here to There For over 16 years, I was immersed in light rail and tran

For the past 15 years, I’ve had the privilege of calling the Middle East my home. As an expat, my journey has been filled with enriching experiences, personal growth, and a fair share of challenges. From my point of view, here’s a reflection on the pluses and minuses of life as an expat in this fascinating region. Everyone's journey will have been different, and your future one will also be. The Pluses 1. Cultural Enrichment Living in the Middle East has offered an unparallel

Hi and welcome to Lethal Pasty and to another post on my life in Saudi Arabia. When you think of Saudi Arabia, the first things that come to mind are its rich history, vast desert landscapes, and bustling cities like Riyadh and Jeddah. You might picture majestic camels strolling through endless dunes with the sound track to Lawrence of Arabia playing in the background, towering date palms offering shade, and the aroma of exotic spices wafting through ancient markets. But wait

Greetings and welcome back to Lethal Pasty, chronicling a man's odyssey in embracing expatriate life in the Middle East. After a hiatus due to work and personal matters, I'm thrilled to resume sharing my experiences from Saudi Arabia. Today, I'm diving into a topic of utmost importance: the labyrinth of healthcare for expats, where informed decisions can truly be a matter of life and death. As an ex-pat living in Saudi Arabia, one of the foremost concerns is healthcare. Under

Introduction: Welcome, fellow brave souls, to the wild ride that is driving in Saudi Arabia! If you thought roller coasters were exhilarating, wait till you experience the daily traffic mayhem in Riyadh. Buckle up, and let's embark 0n a typical journey of driving to my work in Riyadh! Assert Your Presence: In Saudi Arabia, driving isn't just a mundane activity; it's a regal affair! So, when you enter the roads of Riyadh, embrace your inner king or queen. A dignified nod or a

Welcome to my journey as an expatriate living in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. If you come over to Saudi Arabia for the first time, you're in for an enriching experience filled with cultural encounters, historical wonders, and modern attractions. Riyadh, the capital city of Saudi Arabia, offers a blend of tradition and progress, making it an exciting place to live as an expat. In this Lethal pasty post, we'll take you through some of the best things to do in Riyadh to help you make t

Living as an expatriate in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia provides a unique opportunity to experience a blend of traditional charm and modernity. Amidst the bustling city, the thirst for entertainment and cultural experiences is palpable. In this blog post, we'll explore the exciting world of entertainment available to ex-pats in Riyadh, ranging from thrilling cinemas and electrifying concerts to adrenaline-pumping sporting events. Cinemas in Riyadh Gone are the days when cinema experi

I found moving to a new city as an expat can be exciting and challenging. One aspect that often brings me adventure and sometimes dread is exploring the local shopping scene. Riyadh, the vibrant capital of Saudi Arabia, offers many shopping opportunities for expats looking to indulge in retail therapy. In this blog post, I will take you on a journey through Riyadh's shopping landscape (from a man's perspective), highlighting its diverse malls, traditional souks, and unique ex

Living in a compound in Riyadh can be quite an entertaining experience. Here's my view of what it is like for me: 1. The Compound Maze: Forget about getting your daily exercise at the gym; just try finding your way around the compound! With its maze-like structure and identical-looking villas, it's not uncommon to see residents unintentionally wandering into their neighbour's backyard or knocking on the wrong door. It's like living in a real-life game of "Where's Waldo?" 2. T

Introduction: Living as an ex-pat in Saudi Arabia is an adventure filled with cultural immersion, unique experiences, and personal growth. This Middle Eastern gem, with its rich history, vibrant traditions, and breathtaking landscapes, offers a captivating lifestyle for those willing to explore and embrace its nuances. In this blog, I will delve into the remarkable aspects of life in Saudi Arabia as an ex-pat, highlighting its diverse culture, warm hospitality, and the myriad